Help Help My Brain Is On Fire And My Other Self Took All The Fire Extinguishers :o)

so i am going to go on a few rants or jargons or tales or whatever i am just going to talk. i am also going to try what karebear does on her blog and do them in a list order. it will help my brain be more spacifical. if u read any of this and think "hey this is pointing directly at me i must burden it inside and kill him through the grape vin later" please dont

ignorance:

as the saying goes ignorance is bliss, well it is till u find out later by the grape vine tat what people actually think. people brood on things far too much then they go boom tell everyone but that one person and then that one person finds out and yay ignorance averted and reality can take a huge fucking bite out of your conscious. ive been ignorant of many things and some by willful doing of my own cause its easier to be unaware than to be aware and hate the world for it.

Hair(lessness):

IT'S GONE!!!
not fully buzzed but short enough. and a lot of people are going to be commenting i think. cause i definitely look different. yay for not knowing what to say to a good comment or hell i don't even know what to say to a bad one. but so far most have been pretty good comments and so it makes me like hair cut more.

Girlfriend:

Well she has been in the hospital for coming up to 3 weeks now and she has gotten a lot better in the last week than anything else. only there is a problem. that means i am going to have to go back to sharing her all the time. she has a lot of friends and so a lot of the time we do spend together its in front of people and then we don't really get to be couple like because she is really conscious of what others like to see around them such as people being all couply. also its probably going to go back to me seeing her only about once maybe twice a week and again that's with a somewhat group of friends. i tolerate it cause well it makes her happy cause she has different friends for thing such as i do and a group just means she can access those different things. but for me group just means either preform or silence. so this last few weeks/days she is in the hospital i am hoping to see her as much as i can. only there is a problem with that as well, my family is the taxi family where we drive a lot of people everywhere. and i don't want to say "no your not aloud to go to a hospital to visit a patient because i want to only today" that just seems too jerkish to me. but i can deal so whatever things will be as things will be.

Friend Groups:

yea I'm gonna go off on this for a bit
Ive never really had a vast amount of good friends before then came high school and i gained a lot and through high school i gained more friends than i could think i could have. then people graduated and went off to college and in my grade 11/12 year i had this sort of good sized group of friends tat met at a coffee shop. sooner or later fights started happening and this one use to be goodish group split up into sort of 2. and me liking each of what both groups had to offer tried to stay with both said groups. its kinda funny one group definitely talked about the break up a lot more than the other. but it was like that for a while. i would hangout with one group at one time and then hangout with the other group another time. it seemed fine for me. but then comes the people that think "oh no, he is hanging out with 'THEM' again, why would he do such a crime" and so they felt this anger towards me but instead of letting me know they let it brood and then act normal while I'm around. unfortunately the one group i could go play video games at and have a good all around time at has disappeared due to roommate crap so i have lost a good group for mindless guy fun:( i could talk about people and name names but i dont really like doing that so i wont.

Devices:

do they have a device out there that can type what you are thinking cause that would work so much better than typing it out on a keyboard. just a random thought, oh and it could be hooked up to a notepad wirelessly at home typing all your thoughts that might be good for me just as long a i edit what people saw and read.

Judo:

i have started taking judo classes and they are making me really sore. bruises everywhere on my upper torso and carpet burns on my toes. this semester is going to be a long one. i think i bruised my bones.

Art:

Im going to sort of tell you what im painting and the philosophy behind it. I am painting my girlfriends basement, except with a little twist. seeing as she has been in hospital for so long i havent seen it for what feels like a century so i have made it so trees are growing out of places the tv is left on but there is no one there to watch it and water damage is all over the walls. im just about done it i just need to paint the couches pool table and a couple trees then i should be completed but we will see. corrections can always be made wit acrylic. except the feeling that its lopsided. i messed that one up.

well i should get off to bed its around 2:20 am and this is Schmizenheighmer signing off.

Tired

I'm tired of things
one being sleep issues.
the other is seeing my girlfriend in the hospital the other is having to wear a bloody mask when I'm there, cause i was sick. going in tomorrow/today to see if i am non-contagious so no mask but we will see.

tears were born today. mainly from me. she doesn't remember me, i know that's a kinda cop-out cause she cant remember much people but she use to remember me. and today she told me she had no clue who i was. i was a stranger today, a stranger who held her hand and made her laugh but a stranger nonetheless. and it took a while for it to sink in, but when it did it hurt i mean it hurt like physically and emotionally. i felt like i was being virtually sacked by some invisible being. it lasted for a good hour, maybe, then finally went away but it hurt while it was there. maybe things will get better.

ttyl,
bye

cat weird dreamness

so as the title said i dreamt

the walking around and look their are a bunch of kittens, why don't i take them home. yay kittens. unfortunately wen i got home my old cat didn't like kittens, and chasing them around the house so to help the old cat i decided to try to off one kitten(wont say how cause even meaner) but the bugger wouldn't die.

then i woke up

and went to either church or school cant remember

the end