hallow. hows your pie doing? looks just about done. should save me a piece, especially if it is of the pumpkin kind....
well, now that that is out of the way. i don't like coming home for more than a few hours. it just depresses me. the state of the house the sick and depressed people in their own little worlds only interacting with other peoples world if theirs is boring without any other visitors. I think I've built up a tolerance for it by jumping towards different realities. or i just jump into different masks, however its looked at i had tried naming them,and so here is my list of realities:
home
computer/bored
outdoors adventure
work
video games
TV
movies
Laura
Friends
story-tellers
music
crowds
mosh pits
i think i classify these as realities cause i act differently when I'm around each of them. or when i consume outside influences which could range from alcohol to energy drinks. the easiest one for me to get is energy drinks and they do alter me a good amount.
Friends is a strange reality because each friend is different. so that reality is ever changing. from chronic tokers to logically unlogical ones to full out gamers, which I'm not really part of that crowd that much anymore. I like the look of games but I guess its changed from me playing to watching.
I'm scared of death but not really death of myself I can die then I will be dead but more death of my parents and it seems funny but death of the cat, they are all old and really tired and at least 2 of the 3 are constantly getting sick. It scares me even more when my dad gets sick. 1 he is like 71 and 2 he is the money bringer right now. My mom got really “sick” a long while ago and had to quit her job cause it was too much for her. In February wen my dad gets better I might quit the dollar store and just work for him. I would be making more money and after I learn how to do drywalling it will put less strain on him.
It kinda funny I have gotten to the age of 18 without ever having a person that I knew pretty well dieing, I haven't even been to a funeral. It would be even more sad if my first funeral was for my own dad or mom. My mom use to be happy, but now she is so depressed I don't think anyone knows what to do to help her.
I think I manage to make myself fall into a type of depression each month. It usually only happens for a day or so, Gail (from work) kept asking me for a week if I was OK, I didn't think I was but it only seemed to be work people that noticed so I figured work was just getting to me.
Well its about 5 and I guess I should try to sleep. Hope everyone had a goodly Christmas! Don't forget my pie!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
art
so i was looking around my house today and i found my old notebook from youth, one that i had filled with notes drawings and friends drawings. i like these drawings and am thinking of redoing some of mine on the compy when i have time. it would be a good project cause out of most of the crap tats in there some of them are actually pretty interesting from an artist perspective and probably a psychological perspective as well.
whelp thats all for now when i actually do them i guess i will post them here
peace out
whelp thats all for now when i actually do them i guess i will post them here
peace out
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Judo!
hey so i have found out that if i do judo and have an energy drink at least an hour or so beforehand i really enjoy. and i have found a throw that is my favorite to be thrown and to throw someone with. its called Ukigoshi or floating hip throw. look it up on youtube they should have a video of it there. i like judo alot right now. next Tuesday i am being graded and may even get my yellow belt! i just need to memorize this list and i be good. thats all for nows bye
Thursday, February 11, 2010
My Apologies
I am quit sorry if i discouraged anyone not to go and visit laura with my last post. it was a rant that i just wanted to have at the time. i am not there all the time but i try to make it up there everyday so far so if u are wanting the taxi service to drive u up and back just let me know prior the the time. and again i say sorry for discouraging.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Help Help My Brain Is On Fire And My Other Self Took All The Fire Extinguishers :o)
so i am going to go on a few rants or jargons or tales or whatever i am just going to talk. i am also going to try what karebear does on her blog and do them in a list order. it will help my brain be more spacifical. if u read any of this and think "hey this is pointing directly at me i must burden it inside and kill him through the grape vin later" please dont
ignorance:
as the saying goes ignorance is bliss, well it is till u find out later by the grape vine tat what people actually think. people brood on things far too much then they go boom tell everyone but that one person and then that one person finds out and yay ignorance averted and reality can take a huge fucking bite out of your conscious. ive been ignorant of many things and some by willful doing of my own cause its easier to be unaware than to be aware and hate the world for it.
Hair(lessness):
IT'S GONE!!!
not fully buzzed but short enough. and a lot of people are going to be commenting i think. cause i definitely look different. yay for not knowing what to say to a good comment or hell i don't even know what to say to a bad one. but so far most have been pretty good comments and so it makes me like hair cut more.
Girlfriend:
Well she has been in the hospital for coming up to 3 weeks now and she has gotten a lot better in the last week than anything else. only there is a problem. that means i am going to have to go back to sharing her all the time. she has a lot of friends and so a lot of the time we do spend together its in front of people and then we don't really get to be couple like because she is really conscious of what others like to see around them such as people being all couply. also its probably going to go back to me seeing her only about once maybe twice a week and again that's with a somewhat group of friends. i tolerate it cause well it makes her happy cause she has different friends for thing such as i do and a group just means she can access those different things. but for me group just means either preform or silence. so this last few weeks/days she is in the hospital i am hoping to see her as much as i can. only there is a problem with that as well, my family is the taxi family where we drive a lot of people everywhere. and i don't want to say "no your not aloud to go to a hospital to visit a patient because i want to only today" that just seems too jerkish to me. but i can deal so whatever things will be as things will be.
Friend Groups:
yea I'm gonna go off on this for a bit
Ive never really had a vast amount of good friends before then came high school and i gained a lot and through high school i gained more friends than i could think i could have. then people graduated and went off to college and in my grade 11/12 year i had this sort of good sized group of friends tat met at a coffee shop. sooner or later fights started happening and this one use to be goodish group split up into sort of 2. and me liking each of what both groups had to offer tried to stay with both said groups. its kinda funny one group definitely talked about the break up a lot more than the other. but it was like that for a while. i would hangout with one group at one time and then hangout with the other group another time. it seemed fine for me. but then comes the people that think "oh no, he is hanging out with 'THEM' again, why would he do such a crime" and so they felt this anger towards me but instead of letting me know they let it brood and then act normal while I'm around. unfortunately the one group i could go play video games at and have a good all around time at has disappeared due to roommate crap so i have lost a good group for mindless guy fun:( i could talk about people and name names but i dont really like doing that so i wont.
Devices:
do they have a device out there that can type what you are thinking cause that would work so much better than typing it out on a keyboard. just a random thought, oh and it could be hooked up to a notepad wirelessly at home typing all your thoughts that might be good for me just as long a i edit what people saw and read.
Judo:
i have started taking judo classes and they are making me really sore. bruises everywhere on my upper torso and carpet burns on my toes. this semester is going to be a long one. i think i bruised my bones.
Art:
Im going to sort of tell you what im painting and the philosophy behind it. I am painting my girlfriends basement, except with a little twist. seeing as she has been in hospital for so long i havent seen it for what feels like a century so i have made it so trees are growing out of places the tv is left on but there is no one there to watch it and water damage is all over the walls. im just about done it i just need to paint the couches pool table and a couple trees then i should be completed but we will see. corrections can always be made wit acrylic. except the feeling that its lopsided. i messed that one up.
well i should get off to bed its around 2:20 am and this is Schmizenheighmer signing off.
ignorance:
as the saying goes ignorance is bliss, well it is till u find out later by the grape vine tat what people actually think. people brood on things far too much then they go boom tell everyone but that one person and then that one person finds out and yay ignorance averted and reality can take a huge fucking bite out of your conscious. ive been ignorant of many things and some by willful doing of my own cause its easier to be unaware than to be aware and hate the world for it.
Hair(lessness):
IT'S GONE!!!
not fully buzzed but short enough. and a lot of people are going to be commenting i think. cause i definitely look different. yay for not knowing what to say to a good comment or hell i don't even know what to say to a bad one. but so far most have been pretty good comments and so it makes me like hair cut more.
Girlfriend:
Well she has been in the hospital for coming up to 3 weeks now and she has gotten a lot better in the last week than anything else. only there is a problem. that means i am going to have to go back to sharing her all the time. she has a lot of friends and so a lot of the time we do spend together its in front of people and then we don't really get to be couple like because she is really conscious of what others like to see around them such as people being all couply. also its probably going to go back to me seeing her only about once maybe twice a week and again that's with a somewhat group of friends. i tolerate it cause well it makes her happy cause she has different friends for thing such as i do and a group just means she can access those different things. but for me group just means either preform or silence. so this last few weeks/days she is in the hospital i am hoping to see her as much as i can. only there is a problem with that as well, my family is the taxi family where we drive a lot of people everywhere. and i don't want to say "no your not aloud to go to a hospital to visit a patient because i want to only today" that just seems too jerkish to me. but i can deal so whatever things will be as things will be.
Friend Groups:
yea I'm gonna go off on this for a bit
Ive never really had a vast amount of good friends before then came high school and i gained a lot and through high school i gained more friends than i could think i could have. then people graduated and went off to college and in my grade 11/12 year i had this sort of good sized group of friends tat met at a coffee shop. sooner or later fights started happening and this one use to be goodish group split up into sort of 2. and me liking each of what both groups had to offer tried to stay with both said groups. its kinda funny one group definitely talked about the break up a lot more than the other. but it was like that for a while. i would hangout with one group at one time and then hangout with the other group another time. it seemed fine for me. but then comes the people that think "oh no, he is hanging out with 'THEM' again, why would he do such a crime" and so they felt this anger towards me but instead of letting me know they let it brood and then act normal while I'm around. unfortunately the one group i could go play video games at and have a good all around time at has disappeared due to roommate crap so i have lost a good group for mindless guy fun:( i could talk about people and name names but i dont really like doing that so i wont.
Devices:
do they have a device out there that can type what you are thinking cause that would work so much better than typing it out on a keyboard. just a random thought, oh and it could be hooked up to a notepad wirelessly at home typing all your thoughts that might be good for me just as long a i edit what people saw and read.
Judo:
i have started taking judo classes and they are making me really sore. bruises everywhere on my upper torso and carpet burns on my toes. this semester is going to be a long one. i think i bruised my bones.
Art:
Im going to sort of tell you what im painting and the philosophy behind it. I am painting my girlfriends basement, except with a little twist. seeing as she has been in hospital for so long i havent seen it for what feels like a century so i have made it so trees are growing out of places the tv is left on but there is no one there to watch it and water damage is all over the walls. im just about done it i just need to paint the couches pool table and a couple trees then i should be completed but we will see. corrections can always be made wit acrylic. except the feeling that its lopsided. i messed that one up.
well i should get off to bed its around 2:20 am and this is Schmizenheighmer signing off.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tired
I'm tired of things
one being sleep issues.
the other is seeing my girlfriend in the hospital the other is having to wear a bloody mask when I'm there, cause i was sick. going in tomorrow/today to see if i am non-contagious so no mask but we will see.
tears were born today. mainly from me. she doesn't remember me, i know that's a kinda cop-out cause she cant remember much people but she use to remember me. and today she told me she had no clue who i was. i was a stranger today, a stranger who held her hand and made her laugh but a stranger nonetheless. and it took a while for it to sink in, but when it did it hurt i mean it hurt like physically and emotionally. i felt like i was being virtually sacked by some invisible being. it lasted for a good hour, maybe, then finally went away but it hurt while it was there. maybe things will get better.
ttyl,
bye
one being sleep issues.
the other is seeing my girlfriend in the hospital the other is having to wear a bloody mask when I'm there, cause i was sick. going in tomorrow/today to see if i am non-contagious so no mask but we will see.
tears were born today. mainly from me. she doesn't remember me, i know that's a kinda cop-out cause she cant remember much people but she use to remember me. and today she told me she had no clue who i was. i was a stranger today, a stranger who held her hand and made her laugh but a stranger nonetheless. and it took a while for it to sink in, but when it did it hurt i mean it hurt like physically and emotionally. i felt like i was being virtually sacked by some invisible being. it lasted for a good hour, maybe, then finally went away but it hurt while it was there. maybe things will get better.
ttyl,
bye
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
cat weird dreamness
so as the title said i dreamt
the walking around and look their are a bunch of kittens, why don't i take them home. yay kittens. unfortunately wen i got home my old cat didn't like kittens, and chasing them around the house so to help the old cat i decided to try to off one kitten(wont say how cause even meaner) but the bugger wouldn't die.
then i woke up
and went to either church or school cant remember
the end
the walking around and look their are a bunch of kittens, why don't i take them home. yay kittens. unfortunately wen i got home my old cat didn't like kittens, and chasing them around the house so to help the old cat i decided to try to off one kitten(wont say how cause even meaner) but the bugger wouldn't die.
then i woke up
and went to either church or school cant remember
the end
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